For most of us this is true: We are the hardest on ourselves. You wouldn’t dare talk to a friend or child like you do to yourself (Get of of bed, why are you napping?! You think you can fuggin eat that?! Oh really, you think you can pull off that promotion!?). It’s not cool and despite what we think, that prodding, negative self talk isn’t going to motivate us into changing. It takes real practice to learn how to turn that voice down and listen to a much kinder, understanding one. It's in a more compassionate space that we can REALLY find the courage to make some changes. We could all use a good friend. Why not get to know the one that lives inside your own head?
A Few Tips On Being A Cooler Friend (To Yourself):
-Know Your OWN Personal Values: Chances are you're judging yourself using a set of standards you didn't even create or may don’t even truly believe. Check in often to see if that voice in your head sounds curiously like your mom, dad, older sib, religion, job, mentor, idol, group of friends or more often than not, an old incarnation or idea of yourself. When you can suss out your own voice it makes it WAY easier to make a move that actually resonates.
-Hug Yourself, no seriously, hug yourself: It works! Try it right before you go to bed and really mean it. If you can use it to send love to someone else, why not yourself?
-Don't beat yourself up: We think beating ourselves over the head or prodding ourselves along will motivate us to achieve the goals we create for ourselves. Yeah right. Maybe we can shame ourselves into action in the beginning but we all know it’s not a lasting mindset and usually leaves us feeling worse when we end up not meeting our goals. You need some understanding and compassion, you need a good friend. Be that person for yourself a little more often and you may find it easier to make the necessary changes in your life to get to where you wanna go. (And no, being kind to yourself isn’t “letting yourself off the hook”!). When you have a rough day or fail at something give yourself a compliment or kind word instead of the opposite and just observe what happens.
-Be More Understanding of Others: It's time we were all aware of how much we judge others. I fancy myself a pretty openminded go with the flow type of gal but when I made the decision to be aware of it, I noticed just how often I internally clutch my pearls or roll my eyes at others. Suffice to say that if you find that your a Judgy Judgerson of those around it you, it's worse on the inside. Maybe giving others a dang break will help you loosen up your judgments on yourself as well.
-Treat Yourself: Do something REALLY nice for yourself. Go more towards an experience than a material item like a meal, drink or clothes. Avoid sneaky "Treating Yourself" pitfalls like cleaning your garage because you "should" when you really just want to go see a movie. Get a massage, take a bath or a class, take a day off work and do whatever the F you want for the ENTIRE day. Enjoy it! And every time something like guilt or To-Do List stress pops up, push it away, and come back to your intentional self care moment. You deserve it as much as the people that you love.
I offer intuitive counseling sessions that can help you with all your self-love (or lack there of!) needs. Let’s talk:)